THE IMPERIALS

This is a bit of satire I wrote a few years ago. I decided to publish via my blog in a serialized fashion, a chapter or two at a time. If you find it humorous, or interesting, please feel free to share.

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Join Ambassador Madeleine Howell and the intrepid staff of the U.S. Embassy to Nordeland as they endure the hardships of life in Western Europe and struggle to bring freedom, justice, taste, style, refinement, and sophistication to the longing masses.

THE IMPERIALS

Prologue

Nordeland 

The land begins in the far North emerging from the forbidding sea. The stark beauty of the barren arctic plain extends southward rising to meet the tree covered foothills of the Northern Range. Herds of reindeer roam the vast emptiness followed by a people who have known no other way of life throughout recorded history. Further south, past the towering spires of mountains, the geography shifts to an expansive central plain bounded on the west by the Gulf of Scandinavia and the east by the Snow Mountain Range, a series of low, but treacherous hills, that effectively seal off the main Nordean landmass from her surrounding neighbors. The dominate feature of the land is the Joki River, a life giving artery flowing through the center of the country ending at the Baltic Sea.   

The archeological records indicate the presence of man in Nordeland for thousands of years prior to any written record. The original inhabitants were hunter-gatherers that followed the reindeer herds. Vestiges of their civilization are still apparent today in their descendants. Geographically isolated from their neighbors due to mountains and seas, Nordeland did not become an active participant in international events until the late nineteenth century. This historical extreme isolation facilitated the development of a unique national character; strong and fiercely independent.

With the coming of the industrial age in the eighteen hundreds Nordeland slowly began to interact with the world around them. By the turn of the twentieth century the capital and largest city, Nordea City, was a bustling commercial center; its harbor clogged with steam ships, its brick paved streets traversed by electric trams, and its inhabitants connected by telephone. Though modern technologies brought dramatic changes to Nordea City, the interior of the country remained largely unaffected; the central plain dotted with small family farms, and the people of the northern highlands and arctic tundra herding reindeer.

As the First World War engulfed much of the European continent Nordeland remained neutral and out of harm’s way. The interwar years were a renewed period of isolation. The Nordelandean people had been horrified by the devastation and destruction around them. Retreating within their borders they managed to seal themselves off from the excesses of the rest of the world. Shielded by their largely agrarian economy, Nordeland was able to weather the Great Depression that ravaged so much of the world without the overwhelming social upheavals that were so common elsewhere.  The good fortune that had sustained the small country for centuries finally fell short during World War II. Caught in the middle, their homeland became a battlefield. The cities were bombed and the land was burned, but their small, elite military managed to stave off complete subjugation. Nordeland emerge from the ashes of conflict a free and sovereign nation.

Sitting astride the crossroads of intrigue during the Cold War, Nordeland deftly balanced ideologies of freedom and democracy against self-preservation. Identifying with the West, passively assisting when possible, without antagonizing the East.

Upon the collapse of the leviathan to their East, Nordeland was positioned to reap the benefits of an ever growing global economy. With a highly educated, literate and multilingual workforce, and a competitive advantage in telecommunications, the little country soon became a global leader in the technology sectors. Nordelandian expertise and networks were integral to propelling commerce around the world.

Among the oldest royal families in Europe, the House of Vara, dating back 800 years, is much loved by the Nordean people. Before the country could really be called a nation, the clans were divided by both geographical barriers and intricate webs of political alliances and adversarial partitions. Each valley populated by its own sovereign clan.

In 1133 marauding bands from the East crossed the Snow Mountains and began raiding the farms and reindeer herding camps of Nordeland. The disparate groups of Nordeland, separated by rivers, mountains, gorges, dense forest, blood lines, and feuds, were forced to band together to expel the invaders.

The Vara clan was among the largest and most powerful in ancient Nordeland.

Occupying the rich, fertile land of the central plain, they maintained influence far beyond their borders by aggressively controlling the Joki River. With a charismatic warrior chieftain, whose exploits in battle and on the hunt were epic, the Vara clan soon became the foremost military power in the region around which all the other clans coalesced.

During the following centuries of alternating war and peace, the House of Vara continually gained greater influence over the country as a constitutional monarchy slowly evolved to replace the previous system of clan alliances.

The most recent Vara to wear the crown was King Janni. Possessing the charismatic and inspirational leadership traits of his ancestors he was a leader in both business and politics. With great foresight he leveraged the personal wealth of the royal family and founded the company We Communicate, manufacturers of the WeCom, the highest selling personal communications device on the market. Under King Janni’s leadership both his company and his country made great strides in their influence on the world around them permanently cementing King Janni’s popularity with his subjects.

A small but wealthy country, Nordeland maintains an international leadership role in business, education, technological development, and diplomacy, exerting far greater influence over world affairs than many much larger countries. 

Part One

THE BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST

The Princess

The only sound punctuating the afternoon calm was the buzz of an insect drifting from flower to flower among the patch of dandelions growing along the edge of the tarmac. Bob Coleman paced back and forth beside the limousine. The sun was warm. Too warm for a coat and tie, even in the northern latitudes. He uncomfortably tugged at his stiff collar with one hand while shading his eyes with the other, straining for a glimpse of the plane against the glare of the sun. Bob was The Ambassador’s Personal Affairs Coordinator and had traveled to Nordeland weeks in advance to ensure that all household matters were in order prior to The Ambassador’s arrival.

“Are they late? They had better not be late. I have things to do this afternoon.” Jané Leonard was impatient. Jané was always impatient. The world was a minor inconvenience for her.

“They’re right on time,” Bruno Jeffries responded, pointing at a speck in the distant sky.

“Good, because I have things to do this afternoon,” Jané concluded the conversation.

The speck grew to a plane, flared its flaps and entered the approach pattern.

Within minutes the pretentiously large private jet had taxied into position near the two-car motorcade and the ground service crew was positioning the stairs at the door. The welcome committee quickly got themselves organized: reception line at the base of the steps, chauffeurs standing at the ready by their vehicles. The door to the aircraft opened and a small fluffy, white ball of fur shot out, zoomed down the stairs and leaped into Bob’s arms. Bob grimaced as the little dog licked him on the face.

“Marie Antoinette,” he grumbled, holding the squirming little beast at arm’s length. He quickly handed the dog off to the chauffer.

She appeared in the doorway posing with her best politician’s smile. As she came to the realization that the welcoming throng consisted of just three individuals, her persona appeared to deflate, but just for a moment. She quickly regained her composure and descended the steps with head held high, the debutante she had always been.

“Madam Ambassador, welcome to Nordeland,” Bob began the introductions. “This is Jané Leonard, Political and Economic Counselor…”

“Oh Bobby, I’m exhausted. The flight was simply interminable. Can we save the introductions for when I am feeling better?” It wasn’t really a question. “I want to go to the house now. Take care of the staff and have the servants deliver the luggage, but not too late.” She was in the back seat of her limo handing him the dog, “And take care of Marie Antoinette. She needs some exercise after the long flight. Her doctor says she doesn’t get enough.” The door slammed shut and the car sped off. Marie Antoinette leapt from Bob’s arms and chased after her master.

Bob turned to find Ambassador Howell’s personal entourage of her attorney, interior decorator and party planner gathered around watching with disinterest. No one made a move to catch the dog. Bob hated that dog, but he needed his job. “Marie Antoinette! Marie Antoinette!” he called as he sprinted after the speeding ball of fur.

Madeleine Howell was money. She was old money. She was lots of old money. Great-grandpa Earnest Howell had started the dynasty. He was in timber; when he was sober. He owned a logging company, harvesting the public lands high in the mountains of the American West. It was hard work. And lonely. Weeks and months at a time, isolated in the back country. Earnest Howell didn’t really like hard work. And he had a powerful thirst, so in his spare time he ran a still. That was his true calling. At least whatever he didn’t sell he could drink. Or conversely, in Earnest Howell’s case, whatever he didn’t drink he could sell.

He had been working for months in a high valley clear cutting everything in sight. Drinking stocks were running low so Great-grandpa took a break from lumberjacking to cook up a fresh batch. Being zealous in quality control he sampled often. During a midafternoon break from the strenuous labor, Earnest Howell took a nap, leaving the roaring fire burning under the kettle unattended. As the cauldron boiled and bubbled something went terribly wrong. Great-grandpa Howell was abruptly awakened from his drunken stupor by the deafening explosion of the still. Burning alcohol sprayed forth in a wall of flame. The shed was engulfed and the blaze quickly spread to the surrounding dry grass. Clothes on fire, Great-grandpa made a dash to safety in the river where he watched as the flames reached his freshly distilled inventory. A series of explosions followed with the conflagration rising high into the air. Soon the entire valley was awash in flame. The only avenue of escape was to drift downstream to where the horses were corralled. As the flames approaching ever closer, he managed to catch one of the frightened animals and rode hell bent for town.

The wild lands burned out of control for days destroying thousands of acres of timber, grazing lands, ranches and farms. It burned and burned until the long hot summer came to a rain soaked end. The skies turned dark, and the deluge fell day and night until the scorched, barren earth could absorb no more. Fire and rain, like Biblical plagues. With no trees, grass, or life of any kind to maintain stability, the side of the mountain broke loose in a massive landslide, burying the valley below and damming the river.

The river had been the life blood of the surrounding country. It supplied water to numerous farms and ranches, and further downstream to the villages and towns. Homesteaders began to pull out. The population in the towns began to shrink. As the situation neared crisis proportion, Great-grandpa Howell came to the rescue. Always the enterprising individual looking for a new deal, he ventured back to the scene of the crime and began to build a pipeline from the newly formed reservoir to the valley below. And Western States Water was born. Four generations later it was the largest water company in the United States supplying millions of customers in sixteen states. In addition to water, the Howell family had diversified into numerous other industries quietly building one of the greatest private fortunes in the world.

Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary of the United States of America Madeleine Howell. That was the full and formal title. She had spent a lifetime buying things: shoes, cars, houses, small islands, companies, people and influence. Influence was her favorite. A figurehead position in the family company gave her prominence and prestige, but political influence gave her power. She had reached the pantheon of Party politics by supporting everything from the county commissioner, to the state governor, to national congressmen and senators. Joining the ranks of the Pathfinders, the highest level category of Party fundraisers, had provided instant access to the White House, and a plush appointment.