THE IMPERIALS #7 - Part 2: DIPLOMACY

Country Team

Early on Thursday morning the venerable group of government professionals gathered in the historic conference room for the weekly Team meeting. The meetings were usually approached with an air of dread as they were often long, dull and unproductive. No nuance of local politics too small to be discussed, no diplomatic initiative to insignificant to be debated, no personal achievement too inconsequential to be embellished and heralded, and no failing in a colleague too infinitesimal to evade ridicule.  But this meeting was met with great anticipation. It was the first working meeting with the new ambassador. How would she govern? Would she be a benevolent dictator, or just be a dictator? Touted as one of the leading business women of her generation, would she bring a proven business savvy to the realm of foreign relations, or would she be yet another hollow patronage appointment.

The Team lounged idly waiting on The Ambassador’s arrival. A low murmur filled the room as conversations were held in hushed tones. Fingers drummed nervously on the table and last minutes notes were scratched in notebooks. Suddenly, a blanket of silence fell over the room and everyone stood. On cue, The Ambassador marched into the room, followed by her legion of personal advisers, and occupied her space at the head of the table. She busied herself arranging her calendar, notebook and presentation materials without ever looking up. Finally, after all was in proper order she raised her eyes to the room. With a practiced smile she slowly turned her head from left to right silently making eye contact with each and every member of the Team. “You may be seated,” she pronounced authoritatively. Her personal staff immediately claimed the seats to her immediate left and right relegating the Team members to crowd around the far end of the table with the surplus members forced into the seats along the wall. “As this is our first working meeting I would like to go around the table once again and have everyone make a formal introduction.”

And off they went, each person once again announcing their name, what office they worked in, and providing a brief bio. The Ambassador would often interrupt with comments or questions intended to personalize the encounter.

“When I was a teenager our family jet broke down and we had to make an emergency landing in Wichita, so I’ve been to Kansas. If father hadn’t chartered another plane to come and pick us up we would have had to spend the night.”

“What prompted you to join the Foreign Service?”

“We have a janitor working for The Howell Family Foundation who is from India. He would often share such interesting stories of his homeland.”

“I have fond memories of Mississippi. I love the mud pie.”

“I have been to Dallas many times. I have an acquaintance who owned a baseball team there. He used to invite us to sit in the owner’s box.”

After an interminable trip around the room the roster was complete and it was The Ambassador’s turn.

“As you are all aware, I am Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary of the United States of America Madeleine Howell. I am glad to be here in Nordeland. I would like to take this opportunity to discuss my vision for my ambassadorship.”

A suffocating pall descended on the room. Everyone sensed it was going to be along meeting.

“I have been selected by the President of the United States of America and confirmed by the United States Senate in accordance with Article Two, Section Three of the United States Constitution to implement the foreign policy as directed by the President… Transformational Diplomacy… Mission Critical… Benchmark… Empowerment… REPRESENTATIONAL ENTERTAINMENT… Quantifiable results… Win win… Strategic planning… Responsibility… Coalition… Elaine Chao… Grandeur, prestige, and dignity… Paradigm shift… Shoes and ships… New world order… Afghan rugs… Benjamin Franklin… First Class Travel… Chauffer… Public Diplomacy… Sealing wax… American Values… Marten Martenson… Family friendly… Valued participation… REPRESENTATIONAL ENTERTAINMENT… Synergy… Performance oriented… Democracy… Market driven initiatives… Water… Abraham Lincoln… Fortify… I Am The Walrus… Support and sustain… Democratic ideals… Free markets… Ronald Reagan… Marching bands… Cabbages and kings… Jazz… Exports… Direct investment… Green… Equal opportunity… Family friendly… Benchmarks… Total Quality Management… Shining city on the hill… Vision… Mutual interests… Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious… Deliverables… Metrics… Global repositioning… Key Performance Indicators… Stakeholders… Change facilitation… Innovation… Conceptual… Democratic process… Lynn Cheney… Team… Networking… Soft Power… Reset relationships… Smart power… Diplomacy 2.0… The entire embassy staff must all work in support of my efforts to develop, maintain, and enhance the strategically import relationship between Nordeland and the United States. It will require an intense, well-coordinated effort by all personnel, who must be wholly dedicated to success. Accomplishment of the task at hand is vitally important to American interests in the region and imperative to the national security of our country.”